Don't worry, Be lazy !

*Skiewpoint warning: This article is not intended for Doctors or anybody dealing with real lives. Please tend to your patients properly.

“People who love working never complete it in time.”

An understatement? Well think again.

Isn’t that obvious? Because they love it! How can one let go of something one loves? After all, a bird in hand is worth two in the bush.

So what shall we do to complete it on time?

That’s simple, Hate it! Just Hate it!

All you people

Friends, comrades and other unclassified retards, lend me your attention to avoid detention!

We all should learn to hate our jobs. Twist the neck of this bird in hand (pun intended, I love birds otherwise). Hate it to such an extent that we just want to finish it, once and for all. This would make us complete the job and get rid of it as soon as possible. We all must keep in mind to finish it off in one go, because one shot is all we’ve got. And if we miss it, the job will kill us (literally). Let’s be its perfect enemy. Kill it with perfection, so that even the on lookers and evaluators have nothing but praises for the majesty of the kill. This way, we will do it flawlessly.

Be lazy, it’s the key to innovation. Clinging to the old ways won’t let you do justice to the soft bed you shelled out a hefty amount on. Wasn’t the bassinet bought to enjoy an undisturbed sleep? And did you know that many great inventions were done while sleeping or dreaming. Take gravity for example, had Newton not taken a day off and hadn’t he been dozing off under the apple tree, gravity would have still been pulling our legs (or should I say we would have been saved of the stupid s=ut+half gt square numericals.) Even the benzene ring, the sewing machine and many more inventions are an outcome of dreams. So come on, sleep a little bit!

 Invent, improvise, and innovate! Do whatever it takes to complete the job as soon as possible, with the least possible effort. And while you are doing it, do ensure adequate time for that primetime match, or maybe a latest flick. Sticking to old ways will kill more time, make production stagnant and may possibly frustrate you. Even companies boasting of hassle free claims won’t give you insurance for lost hair or that lively young face.

 For the company of lovely ladies (who admire your being a workaholic), some of which you might probably miss because of that lovely nap, don’t worry, this blog has enough to keep them engrossed. Just give them this blog’s address and I’m sure they’ll have lots to talk, after you get back to them. I take no guarantee of their mood though.

So live life tension free, kill jobs without mercy, innovate and alleviate your troubles and don’t forget to sleep.

* Skiewpoint pun: And a word for the doctors who still read this post despite of the warning, please mention your address. I have to add it to the list of places not to visit.

The Holy Mall Road!..

Through the small openings of my burning eyelids, I tried to make out the angle between the two crosses. Incidentally they were not making any angle. I could see only one long arrow.

Shitttt....

It was six already. I was late. I was supposed to be there by six.



From the Nescafe to the girl’s hostel lies the HOLY MALL ROAD. Wait a minute did I use the word holy? Yes it’s holy because it is only at this part of the institute that you sometimes get to see the beauties that hide themselves in the gloomy and restricted, not to be entered PGH and TYPE 2. (for those losers who don’t belong to this place PGH happens to be the girls hostel and TYPE 2 happens to be the First Year Girls Hostel) The mall road has been the carpet to the tender footsteps of all the bombshells that ever made their way into this place and will continue to do so for many years to come. I am so very envious to it. Starting from the G7 to many more such plastic groups to come, the mall road would serve them as the route for their daily college activities; in the morning as the cursed devil to the lecture halls and in the evening as the splendid romantic heavens stitched by cupid himself.

Down throughout the day the Mall Road witnesses the beauties (and the uglies as they form the bulk of it) brisking their way to and from the institute with sweat all over their faces. Sweat! Feels like pearls sliding on freshly polished marble floors!. This is the time when girls from groups consisting only of females. But the Mall Road is altogether a different place in the evening. Believe me by then it serves no less than cupid’s paradise; and also not to mention the battle field for the Khappies and the Khocha groups. Everyone has his/her own reasons to visit the Mall Road in the evening. The visitors include the slow moving couples who God knows what but have a hell lot of things to share with each other. I guess my girl will do all the talking if I ever trod on that road with a female.. duhh.. The second class of people are the friends of these couples who visit the Mall Road only to make fun of or to prank jokes at these couples. The third class consists of those people who have no worthwhile work to do and who sit on the mall road only to nurture their hunger for beauties. A class of females trodding this Holy Road also include the vultures that come out of their hostels only to catch hold of some idiots to pay their cheques at the Juice Baar (Juice Bar! Ill get back to it) or to stock some innocent guys and adam tease them. The Khappies and the Khocha group include those ass holes who visit the holy road only to prank jokes, pass lame comments or act like weirdoes and psychos.

The best part of the Mall Road is the awesome Juice Bar (or the Tuck Shop as the girls call it). It acts as a paradise for love makers as well as for those who move in groups of the same gender. Awesome coffee with all the beauties edging their way back to their hostels; the juice bar is an ultimate venue for procuring salvation. Saliva ready to drool out of your mouth, Chocó power laden coffee and then someone calls you back to your senses... Check out that awesome chick mahn!.



I washed my face with water and hastily tried to put on the best pair of converses out of my collection. Shouting at the top of my voice... Ajay.. Muchhii.. Shingari.. It’s 6 already.. we are late.. Let’s go people.., I rushed towards the exit of my hostel.

Everyone has his/her own reasons to visit the Mall Road in the evening. And if you are trying to guess mine, better stop scratching your head!..

Life!..

4 am... “Dude I am sleeping.. Wake me up for the classes tomorrow morning”
8.30 am.. Alarm.. Snooze.. Alarm.. Snooze.. Alarm.. Snooze.. Alarm.. Snooze..
9.15 am... “Shitt!!”
Wet hair.. Bulging red eyes.. Perfume sprays.. Stinking socks.. Torn converses.. Borrowed pen.. and the last leaflet of a notebook..

..saale uth ja.. class ni jana kya? (wake up moron.. we have classes to attend!)
Marathon to the lecture complex..
..aaj to attendance gayi..(we won’t get attendance today)
“May I come in...”
“Why are you late?”
“Sir I..........”
“Get in..”
..bhai kya mast movie thi.. (mahn! Last night’s movie was awesome!)
sleeping!.. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..........

NITH LIFE STYLE... (arrrgggh.. ways to screw your life!):

Take chances!

Tell the truth!

Date someone totally wrong for you!

Say no!

Spend all your money and your friend’s too!

Borrow something and don’t return until he/she gets frustrated!

Get ragged and laugh about it!

Fall in love!

Tell someone that you love him/her when you don’t!

Get to know someone random!

Give loads of missed calls to someone using other’s phone and don’t pick when he/she calls back!

Love someone from the very core of your heart!

Say ‘I love you’ to someone special and get rejected!

Mass bunk and get caught with your girl by the teacher!

Be mean!

Be selfish!

Make fun of yourself!

Sing out loud!

Laugh at a stupid joke!

Cry!

Watch The Someone you like in someone else’s arm and pretend you don’t care!

Take revenge!

Apologize!

Laugh when you fall!

Get into a fight!

Be the shoulder to a sloshed roomie!..

Tell someone how much they mean to you!

Tell the idiot how she/he hurt you!

Let someone know what they are missing!

Abuse someone who deserves it!

Sit alone, watch the rain and cry!

Sleep 24 hours sometime!

Laugh till your stomachs hurt!

Dance even if at it you suck!

Bash a junior in frustration!

Talk to animals!

Pose Stupidly for pictures!

Give someone a hug when they need it!

Make sure you get one when you do!

Watch cartoons, act like a kid!

And just when its packed up to the brim...

..Saad diya saale ne... (The teacher completely frustrated me)

[P.S. Special thanks to Priyanka, the cute little girl who originally wrote about the life style of NITH!..]

Cataclysm

How does it feel when the subjects you loved and the subjects you hated mingle together in some other subject? Concepts mix homogenously. Waves interfere with Electronic motions. It is then we realize that the entropy of Universe is indeed increasing. All worlds of my cosmos crash into my head like supernovae.  11 dimensions of universe, and still counting, revisions awaited. And when we say a cat has 7 lives, they bark like a mocking bird? That’s not fair!

For a new subject, the teacher says “You must be knowing all these things? These are very basic things taught in smaller classes” and feeds aggressively on our little stock of morales like a hungry termite. “Is that clear?” all that you can do is to give a bewildered look at your compassionate comrades. A couple of glances here and there and on second call, “Is that clear?” as if in unison, we all smile and, We Nod. Nod these empty skulls up and down.  

Why do these so called teachers fail to fall to our level, and after becoming an expert (real expert or paper crafted expert I cannot say!)? Were they a prodigy or have our brains really shrunk to the size of a peanut? It’s a battle everyday to drudge along the same roads to reach the very same battle grounds where we bled before.

But every wound, every cut, makes our hide stiffer to any atrocity that might befall us.

Once heard a guy from distant lands say in the first year “हमारे माँ बाप ने हमें mass bunk करने के लिए थोड़े ही भेजा है यहाँ पर!”(My parents did not send me here to mass bunk classes). Today, he spearheads the motion for a mass bunk. This is how they have forced us to mould ourselves into sadist bastards.

Each day, we move a bit closer to the edge and by the time we are through with this ordeal, we would be fine artifacts, a living battle song!

Aah, a little footnote:

Commenting is free of cost and the author has developed a thick hide to bear any criticism or rogue comment. Just remember that when they mercilessly kill the article by clicking on the Cross on the top right corner of the screen, its injustice manifold.  We are becoming sadists, but we are far from being masochists.

Of Judgement Days and Doomsday

It all started in March 1996 when Larry Page set out to “develop the enabling technologies for a single integrated and universal digital library.” What started then as a tiny Ph.D. web crawling spider, has now mutated into monstrous myriapod. Yes I am talking of www.google.com.

 In 2003, it took over the reins of Pyra Labs (www.blogger.com) and changed the definition of freedom to speak your Skiewpoint. Slowly and steadily, it has been deepening its web presence in the World Wide Web. It gave Flickr and Picasa for the Ugly and ‘Not so beautiful’ people to get noticed. The beautiful ones don’t need to toil this hard to get noticed, they simply blog.

Then Google widened its scope from intercontinental to interplanetary, courtesy Google Mars and Moon. It is developing new technologies and is on a rampage when it comes to tapping potential online markets, be it ‘You Tube’ or ‘Upstartle’ (responsible for google word processor you all use today). Google’s the second name for internet search these days.

It is also investing in alternative energies, and other promising fields that can extend human habitability on earth for a little longer. Google recruits the best brains from around the world. Ever took a moment off Google to wonder why? It’s a plan!

Google’s making androids nowadays; it would make a humanoid army subsequently. But Rule Number One says Robots shall not harm humans. Forget it, they aren’t any robots, they’re humanoids, driven mechanically but thinking like humans. That’s why they don’t recruit dummies because even a single emotion could make them ‘Wall E’. Google could be the next Skynet Corporation.

Google asks for our permission to anonymously gather information about our internet usage. It is being monitored, and who knows that even if we said no to such offers, they won’t be tracking our activities. Each user might be having his file in google database. Few years from now, google can tell exactly when you wake up and when you are in the loo. So on the Judgment day, they would know where and when to find Connor.

The Resistance? There would be no place to hide, for google maps shall track you. The web spider shall crawl into the deepest roots to seek you out. You would have just two options, surrender willingly immediately, or surrender later unwillingly. Nothing would improve your chances of being better later on.

Every dreamer is making predictions these days. They say that 2012 is the year when something terrible would happen to mankind, sort of Armageddon. An insomniac, Nancy Lieder was possibly abducted by gray head ETs, who gave her a brain implant, which would receive breaking news and announcements from the Republic (or maybe Darth Vader). Either they made a wrong choice in choosing her, or they were a bunch of retards, outcaste from their planet. Because what she received and propagated was that Nibiru collision was eminent in 2003, though the Republic revised the dates to 2010 due to unavailability of an appropriate planet worth smashing.

The Mayan pioneers who invented the Mayan calendar rejoiced to have found the date when the new b'ak'tun was to begin. And no, the calendar did not end there, more dates were predicted. But who can help the propagandists who suffer from short sightedness?

So, I have also thought of a new calendar. Presently it is year one. The day Google takes over, year two starts. In the night between these two, I shall be joining forces with google.

What about you?

*If you want to prevent Google from taking control then I’d suggest 2 remedies:

1.            Make a better search engine and prevent the Doomsday.

This seems a little tough right now. Only possible if the Resistance has discovered Google’s plans and have started working and expanding their user base, and you happen to be a part of the Resistance.

2.            Stop using Internet after having read this post. Let this be your Judgment day.

                I know you won’t be doing that either.