Friday, June 18, 2010

Lets TOSS !!

To all those noblemen who swore their loyalty to the coin, still undecided of what they want, a heads or tails, let this be a sneak peek into the Pandora’s box. Let the frogs jump out of their wells and hop on to the other wells and ponds to taste diversity. Let us show you the innovations that have been done in decision making scenario. Allow us to take you on a tour of ‘Toss’.

The head and its tale.
 Until about a century ago, kings used to rule nations. As a symbol of their power and charisma, Kings had their heads engraved on the coins. Then kings died, when there was no head left over them. One of our kings tried to use whatever was left over his torso and came up with a bright idea. He made a pillar which had 4 lions sculpted over the top facing the four directions. Finally, after continued efforts, the emperors head (Her Majesty, The Queen’s, in our case) was replaced by the three lions. The fourth cat was let loose in the jungle and maybe that’s why all animals flocked to the front side of the pedestal from the hinds. Anyways, every animal was now facing outwards from the pillar, before the photograph of them was taken, to be punched on every coin from then on. The other side eventually came to be known as Tails, because there were no humans involved on the other side. Even today, some variants appear with a person’s face on their heads’ side and I wonder, “Did they really have Tails?”

Players found potential in the game and started using the coin to play "navia aut caput" (Ship or Head). But to decide who will flip first was a tedious job and often led to blooded noses and broken teeth when the contest was amongst untamed adolescents. The elders, who had severely deformed their nose cartilages and had cratered their faces from relentless punches, had grown weary of this and decided to do away with it. They sat in counsel for days. Finally, they decided to snatch the game status from the coin, and gave it a decider status instead. And from then started the process called TOSS.

The Ordinary Way:
 Take a thin coin. Check if it’s unbiased. Toss it high in the air giving maximum rotations. Make a call, Heads or tails. Catch the coin, or let it reach the ground. Check whose wish has been granted. The winner then decides which option he would choose out of the few alternatives that he has. This method is suited only under able guidance, referees in most cases. What if there is not referee? Even worse, what if there is no coin?
It is then, innovation kicks in.

‘Sookha’ or ‘Geela’
 Dry or wet? In villages, both the referees and coins are often missing and it can be very troublesome to decide who the toss winner is. This method comes directly from the ages of Flintstones. The coin is replaced by a piece of flat stone. Make one of its sides wet, often accomplished by spitting on to it, to make it an ideal substitute for a coin. Toss away to glory, and no one would run after you if you stole their stone. There are no restrictions on the size of the stone, no thickness constraints, as long as you can toss them in the air. Definitely an advantage over coins.

Who has the Longest?
Straw. When the players are more than two and have to take turns, its one of the most popular methods among town and city children. Take straws of different lengths, and hold them in such a way that all the straws protrude just the same amount. This confuses players which one is the longest and each one picks a straw. The winning order is decided by the length of the straws each one has. The only problem is, there needs to be a volunteer, who has to resist temptation of knowing the lengths of all the straws and still not be able to pick one for him/her. That player gets the last straw, which no one else chooses. The advantage of this method is that it helps you to discriminate. Just like a predator would choose the weakest amongst the similar looking herd, you learn to listen to your biasing and choose one out of the similar looking straws.

Watch your back
This needs two volunteers. One of them stands facing the wall while the other puts fingers on his back citing numbers. The one facing the wall calls out names arbitrarily every time a number combination hits his back. The players watch as their winning order is decided by two fellow players who cannot positively choose their own place in the list.
This method helps sensitizing the skin, only if you are bent upon cheating and knowing the number combinations. A word of caution. People who burst out laughing due to tinkling as soon as their body is touched, especially behind the back, please avoid this. I know one such person. They are a rarity and are a delight to fiddle with.

Age Factors
In groups with much age differences, sometimes, the age seniority decides your position. Aggressive elders may vote for “Seniors First” while the gentle giants may go for “Youngest First”. It’s all a matter of luck where you crash in.

Where ever you crash in, always try to play fair. Thank you for unanimously giving me the first chance without a toss. ‘Meri Baari khatam, mein ghar ja raha hoon’. My turn’s over, I am going home.

*I am looking forward for you people to bring up new methods of toss, I am sure you all have something better than these.
** The fourth lion is still absconding from the coins, please report if you find him. Save Tigers, their tongues have the best moisturizers for your face. Let them lick you. Don't poach them. Love them and they'll love you.

Friday, June 11, 2010

And my diary spoke back...

Dear me,

“Hie! Wassup dude? How’s life? How’s your girl doing?”

Expected something like this? duhh uhh..

What do you think of yourself.. you two legged and one big mouthed moron?

Get a life mate. Go and do something better.

Ok! Let us start it all over again you piece of shit.

Dear Jackass,

Until now you have been scribbling on me like a mentally retarded, under developed freaked up moron. Your daily journals.. oobs I meant your daily shittt is now really getting on my nerves. Do you ever have something interesting going on in your life or are you just one of those loosers who were a manufacturing defect up in the almighty’s lab? Probably, you are the by product of one of those unlucky mistakes of your parents not using proper protection while they were having fun! Duhh.. Why were you the only semen to make it through? Anything else would have saved me the pain of getting scribbled by you.

Listen! Shut the F up and listen to me! Enough of your daily stupidity! I am totally freaked out of you. How many times do I need to clean your screwed up mess and find solutions to your never ending idiot-ism? Well it’s high time you got to know that you are a freaking jerk. Wait, there is more to it. I know that even you know that you are a jerk and you still pretend to be a dude. What a pity! You go around making a fool of yourself and you think that people admire you? Well mate, let me tell you the truth today; when you think that they are laughing at your joke, think again, because they laugh at you and not at your dumb-ever-not-so-humorous jokes!

Over the years I have kept my mouth mum; waiting for you to change. You went over from the sick-old-fashioned-new-year version of me to the Archies and Hallmark elite brands. You kept on pricking that stupid pen of yours into my soft tender skin, but I never resented; thinking that you will grow up someday. But you continue to embarrass me by addressing me like a girlie; Dear diary? Give me a ummm F’ing break. Grow up dude! It’s time you already did you know.

Let’s take a look on what you have impinged on my pages. Dumb as always.. Ahh! This seems interesting. Your first crush! Class 6? History Teacher? Mate she had a husband and a child of your age. Where did you fit into you lucid and lunatic bloody MILF? But you continued to hit on her by sitting beside her eating from your lunch box and bringing her flowers. And the worst part is you wrote all your pathetic romantic laments onto my pages. Can’t take it anymore!!. Let’s move on. Next on is the wildest thing you have ever done huh? You were so proud of yourself, weren’t you tough guy? You used red ink to record it! “Oooooo! I am so F’ing impressed.” So what did you do? You stole 10 bucks from your dad’s pocket. I am speechless.

Here it is! Your first football match! Great!. You broke your nose, your left hand was fractured, your knee was dislocated and you lost your senses in the middle of the game with one thousand eyes staring on you. And if I rely on my memory, you were sent out as a substitute in the eighty fifth minute. What a waste! Seriously what a shame! This one’s even better; your fight with the bully of your colony. It seems like you didn’t have enough strength in your fingers to put down how you were trashed by his gang and then chased back to your home. Ha Ha!

And now comes the best part of your journal; the love of your life. What the hell? You loved her? You were ready to travel to the end of eternity to get her. Yea but that was only before you found the next love of your life, isn’t it? And the same lines were scribbled on and on for each one that followed. Even I have stopped keeping a count now. I just cannot image how characterless you are! Speaking of character, here is the journal about the night you lost your virginity, or should I say when you technically lost it. I believe it was all shit and lies that you wrote onto me. Days ago I met a fellow diary of mine and it happened to be the journal of the girl you supposedly made out with. Guess what? It read out that your night with the female was a complete mess as your male organ could not actually stand up and it literally peed into the girls tender tissues! Amazing!

Dude a serious advice! I don’t ask you to stop scribbling your daily–not-so-happening-events onto me. I was made for that only. It’s my destiny to bear this burden of yours. I was transformed from a branch into a paper for it. But then I have been with you ever since you learnt to put a proper graphite mark on a paper. So here it is from a true mate: Grow up chum! Try to be a man. Stop being a mumma’s child. Have the guts to accept a girl into your life. Try to take up responsibilities. And for god sake stop F’ing around. Please!

P.S. : Dedicated to all those who maintain journals and address their dairy as .. "Dear Diary!"..