Bring em on...!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Bring em on...!
Monday, August 2, 2010
“Come on Saurav you shouldn’t have done that..”
“I was just making sure that I don’t get through..”
Bang!.. ok not at real bang.. The phone rings.. The most awaited ring since the morning..
It was Sharmaji for sure.. Abhijeet received the call..
“Write down the names..”
“I am on it..”
Everyone was staring at the paper as I was putting marks of graphite on it..
1. Ankush Mahajan..
“Chottey (alias Ankush) tera ho gaya.. jaldi se shave kar aur file arrange kar.. ek ghante mei interview hai!” (Ankush you are through.. Go shave your beard and arrange your file.. Interviews in an hour!)
Ankush runs away in excitement. And then once again runs back into my room asking
“Mera Sach mei ho gaya??” (am I really through??)
Finally the list wass prepared. It consisted of sixteen names. These sixteen were selected for the final round of the Samsung India placement interviews. I ran down to notify the others..
“Mani Lal tera ho gaya..” (Mani Lal you have been selected..”)
Mani Lal (aka Manish Thakur) is the hero of sports in our batch.. Not surprisingly he was playing dota.. Believe me just the news of him getting selected for the interviews made him receive uncountable butt kicks!. All I added was, “Get ready..”
“Oye patial ko dekha??..” (Hey did anyone see Patial?..)
“Patial tera bhi ho gaya..” (Patial you have been selected too..)
As soon as I notified Patial that he was selected for the interviews, there was a change of expression on his face. He went complete red. He was not happy. Rather all he could come up with was,
“yaar mai kya bolunga interview mei?. Mereko to kuch bhi nahi aata hai!..” (Mate.. what would I reply in the interview?. I don’t know anything!..)
At this everyone started laughing their asses off at him. The most prominent was Sushil exclaiming,
“Patial tu to fass gaya!!!.” (Patial you have been screwed in a trap!!!.)
At this I shouted over the laughters to Sushil..
“Sushil tera bhi ho gaya!” (Sushil even you have been selected!)
The corridor went dead silent. All were looking at each other’s face as if I had just reported an approaching earthquake. Sushil shouted back at everyone to break the silence,
“yaar koi kuch padha do.. pleeeaseee.. mereko kuch nahi aata!” (Man someone please teach me something.. Even I don’t know anything!)
Abhijeet shouted from the top floor..
“Agarwalle.. Tie.. Knot.. Jaldi.. Mai file bana raha hu apni..” (Agarwalle.. Tie.. Knot.. Fast.. I am arranging my file)
“Yes coming.. Let me inform Ashu that he has been selected too!.”
Running from room to room of the C block I reached the C “Gufa” (The CG block as they call it here at ManiMahesh Hostel). Ashu bhai was tight asleep in his slumber. Damn!. I couldn’t image Hash’s (ashu as we call him) ignorance.. Behind me people came shouting in..
“Ashu bhai utho.. aapka ho gaya hai!” (Ashu Big brother.. Wake up.. You have an interview to appear for!)
Returning to the ground floor of A block I heard Chotta and Bulls fighting. I went in and Chotta shouted at me,
“Agarwalle.. mera resume nahi bana hua hai.. bana de please..” (Agarwalle.. My resume.. It’s still unprepared.. Please help me with it..”)
His right cheek was all bleeding. Bulls chuckled,
“Khushi mei saale ne gaal bhi kaat liya..” (The moron shaved off the skin of his cheek too in excitement.)
I prepared the second resume of the day.. Sushil busted in..
“Agarwalle mera bhi..” (Agarwalle mine too..)
That was number three.
That was enough of excitement for an hour. As everyone left the hostel for the auditorium we wished them good luck. I thought of taking a long shower after all the running I had done. Somebody shouted from the back..
I saw Hash running to me..
“yaar mera bhi resume bana de.. please” (Mate prepare mine too).. 4th on the card!
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
Until about a century ago, kings used to rule nations. As a symbol of their power and charisma, Kings had their heads engraved on the coins. Then kings died, when there was no head left over them. One of our kings tried to use whatever was left over his torso and came up with a bright idea. He made a pillar which had 4 lions sculpted over the top facing the four directions. Finally, after continued efforts, the emperors head (Her Majesty, The Queen’s, in our case) was replaced by the three lions. The fourth cat was let loose in the jungle and maybe that’s why all animals flocked to the front side of the pedestal from the hinds. Anyways, every animal was now facing outwards from the pillar, before the photograph of them was taken, to be punched on every coin from then on. The other side eventually came to be known as Tails, because there were no humans involved on the other side. Even today, some variants appear with a person’s face on their heads’ side and I wonder, “Did they really have Tails?”
Take a thin coin. Check if it’s unbiased. Toss it high in the air giving maximum rotations. Make a call, Heads or tails. Catch the coin, or let it reach the ground. Check whose wish has been granted. The winner then decides which option he would choose out of the few alternatives that he has. This method is suited only under able guidance, referees in most cases. What if there is not referee? Even worse, what if there is no coin?
Dry or wet? In villages, both the referees and coins are often missing and it can be very troublesome to decide who the toss winner is. This method comes directly from the ages of Flintstones. The coin is replaced by a piece of flat stone. Make one of its sides wet, often accomplished by spitting on to it, to make it an ideal substitute for a coin. Toss away to glory, and no one would run after you if you stole their stone. There are no restrictions on the size of the stone, no thickness constraints, as long as you can toss them in the air. Definitely an advantage over coins.
** The fourth lion is still absconding from the coins, please report if you find him. Save Tigers, their tongues have the best moisturizers for your face. Let them lick you. Don't poach them. Love them and they'll love you.
Friday, June 11, 2010
“Hie! Wassup dude? How’s life? How’s your girl doing?”
Expected something like this? duhh uhh..
What do you think of yourself.. you two legged and one big mouthed moron?
Get a life mate. Go and do something better.
Ok! Let us start it all over again you piece of shit.
Until now you have been scribbling on me like a mentally retarded, under developed freaked up moron. Your daily journals.. oobs I meant your daily shittt is now really getting on my nerves. Do you ever have something interesting going on in your life or are you just one of those loosers who were a manufacturing defect up in the almighty’s lab? Probably, you are the by product of one of those unlucky mistakes of your parents not using proper protection while they were having fun! Duhh.. Why were you the only semen to make it through? Anything else would have saved me the pain of getting scribbled by you.
Listen! Shut the F up and listen to me! Enough of your daily stupidity! I am totally freaked out of you. How many times do I need to clean your screwed up mess and find solutions to your never ending idiot-ism? Well it’s high time you got to know that you are a freaking jerk. Wait, there is more to it. I know that even you know that you are a jerk and you still pretend to be a dude. What a pity! You go around making a fool of yourself and you think that people admire you? Well mate, let me tell you the truth today; when you think that they are laughing at your joke, think again, because they laugh at you and not at your dumb-ever-not-so-humorous jokes!
Over the years I have kept my mouth mum; waiting for you to change. You went over from the sick-old-fashioned-new-year version of me to the Archies and Hallmark elite brands. You kept on pricking that stupid pen of yours into my soft tender skin, but I never resented; thinking that you will grow up someday. But you continue to embarrass me by addressing me like a girlie; Dear diary? Give me a ummm F’ing break. Grow up dude! It’s time you already did you know.
Let’s take a look on what you have impinged on my pages. Dumb as always.. Ahh! This seems interesting. Your first crush! Class 6? History Teacher? Mate she had a husband and a child of your age. Where did you fit into you lucid and lunatic bloody MILF? But you continued to hit on her by sitting beside her eating from your lunch box and bringing her flowers. And the worst part is you wrote all your pathetic romantic laments onto my pages. Can’t take it anymore!!. Let’s move on. Next on is the wildest thing you have ever done huh? You were so proud of yourself, weren’t you tough guy? You used red ink to record it! “Oooooo! I am so F’ing impressed.” So what did you do? You stole 10 bucks from your dad’s pocket. I am speechless.
Here it is! Your first football match! Great!. You broke your nose, your left hand was fractured, your knee was dislocated and you lost your senses in the middle of the game with one thousand eyes staring on you. And if I rely on my memory, you were sent out as a substitute in the eighty fifth minute. What a waste! Seriously what a shame! This one’s even better; your fight with the bully of your colony. It seems like you didn’t have enough strength in your fingers to put down how you were trashed by his gang and then chased back to your home. Ha Ha!
And now comes the best part of your journal; the love of your life. What the hell? You loved her? You were ready to travel to the end of eternity to get her. Yea but that was only before you found the next love of your life, isn’t it? And the same lines were scribbled on and on for each one that followed. Even I have stopped keeping a count now. I just cannot image how characterless you are! Speaking of character, here is the journal about the night you lost your virginity, or should I say when you technically lost it. I believe it was all shit and lies that you wrote onto me. Days ago I met a fellow diary of mine and it happened to be the journal of the girl you supposedly made out with. Guess what? It read out that your night with the female was a complete mess as your male organ could not actually stand up and it literally peed into the girls tender tissues! Amazing!
Dude a serious advice! I don’t ask you to stop scribbling your daily–not-so-happening-events onto me. I was made for that only. It’s my destiny to bear this burden of yours. I was transformed from a branch into a paper for it. But then I have been with you ever since you learnt to put a proper graphite mark on a paper. So here it is from a true mate: Grow up chum! Try to be a man. Stop being a mumma’s child. Have the guts to accept a girl into your life. Try to take up responsibilities. And for god sake stop F’ing around. Please!
P.S. : Dedicated to all those who maintain journals and address their dairy as .. "Dear Diary!"..
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
The baby said, “what is the name of my angel!?
Friday, May 7, 2010
Sunday, May 2, 2010