Sunday, January 31, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
“Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems at our disposal, we create our own!”
I as an engineer, shall prove this theorem either by using facts or assumptions. I shall stick to facts if they already exist, assumptions whenever I want to confuse you. I shall be creating problems in case the statements seems to miss one.
Discovery, National Geographic and History Channel produce more than a documentary per day.They redefine, rediscover and rewrite the simple facts in a more twisted form. In short they present old wine in new bottle, and at times they sell water in champagne bottles.
Speaking as a veteran, kissing is special for the first timers; it gets repetitive after that(it is exchange of saliva after that!). Telecasting it on discovery makes us believe there is something technical about it. Well in case there is something technical related with kissing then why don’t we have it as a subject in our college? I bet its practical lab shall be truly intriguing. (I pray to P C Chidambaram to ban 377 before the session starts)
Owing to the present education scenario(in case the Indian Education Board approves 'Kissing Science'), our lecturers shall make it a point to make it more monotonous than the contemporaries of the western world. Situations shall be erotic but questions shall be mathematical.
For instance, “Suppose you are kissing your partner at an angle of 45 degrees inclined to his/her body, with your lips making an angle of 60 degrees to the other pair. The question asked would be;
Q. Calculate the force exerted when a 60 gram pair of lips approaching with the passion of light makes a contact for infinite amount of time?
DOCUMENTARY TWO: -”99 Ways to lose your virginity”
Well, my pubes are of the opinion that there is just one way to do this and so do the genitals of the authors of the books concerned. History proves there is only one way to lose virginity; there can be 99 different locations, 99 different scenarios, 99 different positions, but the basic principle remains same.Curiosity ignites the fuel and the right hand takes over. Even an illiterate is a Ph. D in this field. A negative response to “do you know how to lose your virginity?” is just as if expecting a YES from an engineer for the question, “Are there beautiful girls in your institute?” (Expect this: "Beautiful doesn't go along with Girls in our case"). Engineering colleges and especially famed ones have males, non-males and e-mails. Females are a missing gender!
DOCUMENTARY THREE: -”HISTORY PROGRAMMES”
Parents often tell their children to watch Discovery, National Geographic, and History Channel. My parents used to scare the hell out of me. I shall never ask my children to view these channels. My parental lock preferences for my children shall be 1) discovery 2) history 3) national geography *4) fashion TV (*is optional)
Parents make their children watch history channel hoping that, they shall learn about ancient culture, religion and practices. Yes, they do learn about the lives of the ancient kings. But there's a catch!! What comes along is the art of loving 20 queens and developing management skills. Skills to manage time and lust and how to share their this acquired dexterity with their 20 wives and countless concubines ; not to forget the skills to feed their libido adequately!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Once upon a time, a really long time ago, when the male species started having feelings for their female counterparts, albeit a mixture of several feelings physical and emotional, somewhere, something broke. The definitions mutated. Looking back, the first time the words 'girlfriend' 'boyfriend' originated, the first time couples went through the stages of social stigma and all. Taking a fast forward from the rewind, we have come a long way and the definition of boyfriend has come to an altogether new level.
The metrosexual man has to care for all the needs of the modern female, be mature and soft at the same time, but as the law of nature everything evolves. The metros thought it was cool enough to flaunt big buff muscles in branded tees and jeans. The guy who lived up to the typical romantic stuff in the movies. Say goodbye to all that . And say hello to the ubersexual male. The guy you wished never existed. The Boyfriend 2.0 . He knows how to flirt within the limits, as well as to where to draw the line so that any external stimulus will not get a overtly response in the form of a rotatory swishing so that the pivotal joint does not go for a rollercoaster. He knows how to be chique and suave while refusing to live in the stereotyped cliched typos of society. He will juggle his personal and professional life with ease, and will get what he wants. In short, he is the happening dude.
Above [ An example of an uber dude- The name is .... ah come on you know it ! ]
Looking at a brief overview, we can come to the necessitating conclusive evidence that some of us have observed the below points at some point in life. Curious? Have a look.
Article 1.0 - The discerning male has his eyes everywhere, and can zero in on any fixed target in no time.
Here is an example - supposing a beautiful lass is seated opposite you on a train. There are two categories. She might be taken or not taken. Now the metro man would have gone for the kill. The uber man, wait for it, grabs an opportunity. The girl might be into a conversation, and the hunter interrupts gently and will introduce himself. Or the target might be reading a novel/book, the uber will politely donate his comments and will introduce himself.
Article 2.0 - Once a uber male has got a girl, he will make her know his 'worth'!
Guys usually get girls to get jealous by making other girls talk to him, and if the jealousy part doesnt work, he has other tricks up his sleeves.
Article 3.0 - Metro men spend, uber men think!
Men will get girls to spend for them. And ways they have a plenty. The only trouble is how much they get, and in what form. Like sometimes your mobile may receive a surprise recharge.
Article 4.0 - Herculean looks are no real necessity!
Six pack abs are no real necessity, washboard abs will do for the male. Now lets not get over our heads here. Of course protrusions around the waist are a no-no !
Article 5.0 - Maturity and kiddishness go hand in hand!
Guys can get girls to play their to definition of maturity, as well as not be confined to the likelihood of kiddishness.
Article 6.0 - Brains to looks , einstein to ronaldo!
While metro men crave for a ronaldo like body, uber dudes think the other way around. Now , how many of you know Einstein? Ya ya the guy who gave us E = m*c*c among other scientific achievements. But do you also know that he was quite a ladies's man ? See his personal life. Even though he had a failed marriage, the great physicist was quite a charmer when it came to the opposite sex.
Many articles follow and the principles of getting a girlfriend and getting laid are mastered by the uber dude. And as the uber men are getting a plenty in number, the author thought there must be a balance between the metro men and the uber men, so is not willing to reveal any more articles or secrets regarding this concern. If all men go uber, where do we go ?!
The ubersexual male will try hard to keep his girl off romantic movies. He is also spearheading a campaign - love movies hatao, baaki sab dekho !
P.S 1- anyone thought of creating a FB page of this sort ?
P.S 2- all the above was a humorous interpretation, that obviously goes without saying !