Sunday, May 30, 2010

FIFA World Cup 2010 - A preview

Every once in four years, the biggest sporting extravaganza in the world takes place, i.e. the FIFA World Cup. However, this years edition is unique and more exciting than ever before for many reasons. It's the first time a World Cup is being held in the beautiful yet politically marred and war-torn continent of Africa. How I envy those who will be boarding flights to watch the matches among thousands of fans across the world in one of Africa's most developed countries in what is expected to be an electrifying and once in a lifetime experience.
Football fanatics like me who have been following the ongoing world cup friendlies would agree with the fact that as of now there's probably not a "favorite" to win the cup. Surely you have Capello's England who go into every World Cup with high hopes of bringing the Cup back "home" but are undone either by "women" who prove to be a major distraction or by a great man named "Diego Maradona" who can defy the rules of football and score with his hand.
Talking of the great man, he will be making his return to football's grandest stage not as a player but as the national coach of one of the most talented teams in this years edition, Argentina, which boasts of household names like Messi, Tevez and Maradona's son-in-law Sergio Aguero. With such abundance of talent and one of the greatest players ever to guide them one must expect Argentina to win this World Cup convincingly, but lets not forget they are only on their way to South Africa thanks to a late winner by one of Maradona's freak selections a 36 year old striker.
Moving on to freak selections, Brazilian World Cup winning captain and current coach who I believe is out not to take the current team to World Cup glory and then there are arch-rivals France whose national coach is trying even harder to make his team look unconvincing. That said and done, focus on the coaches will be at par with the players slogging it out on the pitch with the only exception of the "The Special One" Jose Mourinho.
As for a personal favorite, mine would be Spain, which by far have the most balanced team going into this tournament, but considering the fact that they have been labelled bigger chokers than England, don't be too surprised by an early exit.
Of course, how can we ignore the mighty Germans with whom I just won the world cup in FIFA 2010. But let's get back to reality, with a fragile defence, a midfield relying on the hopes of one man and an extremely talented attacking line up which have been warming the bench for their respective clubs most of last season, all we can do is pray that they get their game together for 7 games. Same goes for the Portuguese who can't find a way to score against teams that are unheard of and are ranked worse than India.
Keeping in mind how the so-called "push-overs" have been fairing in their pre-friendlies and how the favorites have all intentions to disappoint, for once we can hope for a balanced world cup with many surprises and 64 interesting and breath-taking matches. Atleast that's what someone who's paying SD$70 (approx. Rs. 2400) to watch the matches would be praying for. And that's what a country like South Africa would fittingly deserve because honestly speaking, 4 years ago how many of us thought that South Africa would be ready to play hosts to the worlds finest sports stars?
And as June 11th slowly nears, its high time we get ready. Beer, Chicken, Jersey and a Wavin'Flag anyone?

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Just a Kiss?

Matinee time!

Sizzling dinner still causes certain turmoil in the stomach as every member of the house settles in the living room to watch the prime time movie being telecasted on the TV. Believe me, it is the only source of entertainment (and torture for some) for most of the families in our country. Unfortunately, it is an English movie tonight. It’s an action movie, so it must be having a hero, of course, a heroine and the hot and dashing villain whose arms are generally huskier and sinewy than the legs of the hero (or heroine). Hey, Avatar was an exception to that, the Heroine was bigger than the hero and the villain, but maybe that’s why Cameron missed the prestigious award and had to reach for his wife’s throat when Hurtlocker struck gold. It’s a masochistic and prejudiced world I must say. Back to the movie now! Since it is an English movie, it has to have their way of expressing love or affection to each other, the tongue twister KISS. Sometimes, the heroine needs to do it to the villain too, possibly to buy the hero more time to complete his job or maybe she likes trying a new guy every now and then. This reminds me of Racheal Weiss (She’s as beautiful as ever) when she had to smooch a mummy to get him diverted from his sand storm trick and buy her hero a life. Picking guys was Okay, but mummy, it seemed to be her fantasy (She plays an artifact hunter anyways, shot one down with lips?). Smooch and that too with a dead insect eating creature, just imagine. Anyway, the heroine in this movie is really gorgeous and has remarkable curves (She ought to have them, it’s her source of bread and butter) and her blood red lips coated with a thin coat of gloss seem to be very appetizing.
But there is a small (big) problem. The remote (yes that thing used to switch the 900 channels) is in the wrong hands. The fingers are at constant itching to try new button combinations whenever there is an advertisement. And in the case of this movie, another clause has been added: Change channel whenever the lead characters are together and no one’s around or someone getting turned on, or romantic scenes or anything that may lead to kissing and everything that ensues. Gosh! I thought it was also classified as intense action and somewhere deep inside, I had been waiting for it, and when it was finally happening, a pack of wolves was scavenging for its meal on my TV screen.
What? It was just a kissing scene. They do it most of the time. That’s not fair. Grow up people! Sometimes, KISS is said to be an acronym of ‘Keep It Simple and Straight’. Okay, it’s a much more intense action of twisting tongues and biting lips here, but still, it’s just a kiss. Helpless in a family organization, I cannot protest, they are elders and they are imposing censorship. But this is ridiculous. Just a kiss, oh come on!
Majority of India has long been a conservative type of society. Many critics have vehemently opposed the growing influence of western culture on Indian population. Many radical subsets of the Indian society still try to force their social norms on others. For this they may even use force, the unfortunate misdoings by Shiv Sena on Valentine’s Day are an ugly reminder of such fickle mindedness. I remember the very polite question from a dating couple who got beaten up by some cops (‘Best’ Cops I think) for the reason that they were supposedly dating, “Is falling in love a mistake?”
I guess, we belong to 21st century? And so do our parents. Or let’s say, we were born in 21st century and they made a transition. But is transition too hard when all senses are working fine. But maybe, our senses have grown accustomed to what they have been seeing and it will take a lot of effort to make them change. It is human to err, but then its more human to accept an important change.
Unlike our parents, bollywood seems to be catching up with the kissing scenario. Given some initiations in the nineties, the emergence of ‘The Serial Kisser’ was a drastic success and obviously, other heroes followed suit. But this makes me think that if elders don’t feel the winds of change, then would they stop watching movies someday? Another funny thing is that this trend is passing on to our generation also. I have seen many of my age grouped people changing channels much like the same way, especially when there are females around (duhh.. aahh.. they would otherwise drool and ogle at such scenes with their friends!) I don’t know what goes through their minds, but then they should stop pretending being modern, if they cannot think rationally. I firmly believe that even most of the liberals have a more conservative part in them, more than what they know or think they have. OK, sometimes it pays off to be conservative, but other times (like this one), it isn’t justified.
That’s all for now. The channel’s back and the romance has passed. The movie is supposed to be an action flick and I should not try to miss the violent action part at least, though romantic action could possibly make us tenderer than sadistic action and bloodsport.

Monday, May 10, 2010

..To the Angel!.. Mommy we Love you..

Who says there is nothing called ‘love at first sight??’
Because when I was born
Just as I opened my eyes
I fell in love with you mommy at the very first sight!

One day before a baby was born
He asked the almighty, “I don’t know what I'm going to do in this world!”
God replied, “I have sent you an angel to be next to you all the time; the angel will teach and protect you!”
The baby said, “what is the name of my angel!?
“You will call her MOMMY!!”

“When you feel you are alone in a crowd
When you think no one can understand you
When your love is rejected by others
When you hate your life
Just close your eyes and
See her face who loves you more than anyone else
Who cares for you in loneliness and
Dies for you when you cry
She is no one else than your sweet loving mommy!”

A child asked God, “Which is the court where all the sins and crimes are forgiven?”
After a chuckle he replied, “Your mother’s heart!”

Happy mother’s day to everyone!
A salute to all mothers!
To all angels on earth
Mommy We love you!..


Blasphemous Aesthete
Davesh Shingari
Suv! Raptured

Friday, May 7, 2010

Just a Thought !

Exam time is the time when real ideas of reform start flowing in our brains. It is the time when everything except syllabus books is fascinating. Our exams are also in progress and amidst all this heat, I am baffled with few more profound questions, which probably even my teachers cannot answer. Here are few of the questions I would like you all to think about when sitting in the examination hall. I am sure, you will find the answers, for you are geniuses of 21st century. I came here through time travel and my machine broke down, so I am stuck here till someone frees my machine from area 51 and repairs it.

·         Why do we call it bitching when men also gossip? Shouldn’t it be dogging for men? Why don’t bitches sue humans for spoiling their name? I am sure, humans would have wreaked havoc on the Canine family had they done something like this. (Think this; dogs have ‘insaan’ and ‘human’ in their slang dictionary. Try bitching someone by that name.)
·         Why are there fraternities and brotherhoods and no maternities, only sisterhoods? Don’t women grow old, or being in a maternity reveals their true age?
·         No matter how white snow-white was, she couldn’t be white as a white fabric, or a pearl, or snow. (She would look more of a ghost then). Nothing is absolute, everything is relative.  Even examination marking scheme. If they say its ‘absolute’, it is relative to a tutor’s knowledge. If they say its ‘relative’, the level of knowledge is often much higher.
·         If the human brain capacity is really 3.6 X 1019 bytes, then it is justified to use monkeys for experimentation because humans can be dangerous. But doesn’t anyone here have any shame? Such huge amount of memory is almost blank and never utilized. Instead we invest in new technologies like DVDs, Blue Rays discs and Solid State? No one has succeeded in storing even a single file in here. Even I am experiencing a space crunch right now, and still I am chuckling like a retard when I term each one of us as ‘retards’. (We all are retards anyway.)
·          What to talk of processing speeds. We have super-duper turbo boosted computers embedded in our skulls and we shamelessly linger around with these baby computing machines, pretending that our cranium is hollow. Some retards (Moore/ Moose) even give laws propounding the limits of computational speeds.
If anybody finds answers to any of these questions, then please, enlighten me! And if someone finds Area 51, call me right away!
P.S.          If you have scratched your head even once in this post, pondering over the question, then congratulations, for having climbed the first rung of scientific thinking. You have managed to ask "Why", now find the answer.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

I am sorry.. wait a min.. Am I??..

And I am back again...! Dear friends, the counterparts of the male appreciators in particular, I am so very sorry to have hurt your sentiments in a few of my previous posts. With reference to the post under the title “Sloshed and bitch” (for those who are yet to read that post and call me names, REFERENCE 1 :, I have received comments that have shook my conscience inside out for the past few months and to be very honest, even my slumber has not been that comfortable. I have been called by many unmentionable names by the ladies and some of my female friends even commented “Kuch zyada nahi ho gaya?” I was called a devotee of male chauvinism and my sister chided me, saying “Kya unt shunt likha hai aapne bhai... how dare you call girls bitches?”
Ho gaya? Done with all the nautanki? I have something even better this time. Yes, I agree that when I made the statement, regarding girls adding to the letters of word Vulnerable when they are drunk, I was wrong. It is now that I see, it was a mere understatement. They always had this wild cat instinct, deep inside, lurking, waiting to emerge. Alcohol is just an easier recourse, a precursor.
But again, kuch zyaada ho raha hai na?
My Lord, I’ve got proof this time. But before I present it before you, I wish to add a few more lines in my (and their) defence. I believe that Indian society has been very conservative compared to that of the outside world (REFERENCE NO. 2: Just a hint, I know that’s easy. Think of the Indians around you, who have been world trotters and still haven’t learnt anything worthwhile. Ask me if you want another hint). This conservatism has definitely led to many adverse effects on us; the most pronounced one being the growing curiosity among the youth. Curiosity killed the cat; it was a bunch of wild cats this time. Boys will be boys and girls will be girls. Boys might be the most degraded species of humans to have walked on earth, but still girls ain’t any bitches (they are cats, meow)? Whatever the ladies might do, they are ladies, nothing else. The consequences of this character liberty have become much obvious to me now, and so shall they reveal upon you too.
Without further ado, let me introduce you to someone who doesn’t need introduction – Google Inc. They have this nifty search site for Indian people. They cluster locally generated queries and present them as options according to popularity as we type in our query. So follow the self explanatory steps. Just type “How to” and see the magic happen.

Uh, umm, I am pretty sure no male would be interested in getting pregnant whatsoever. Believe me that thing which happened in the movie “JUNIOR” with Arnold is actually impossible and every single male is aware of it.
Just to see how the contemporaries of my dearest ladies were doing in the other parts of the world, I made my ‘Destination Berlin’. I shifted over to Germany, to check the consistency of results on “how to”, and this is what I got.

They are more interested in getting the lyrics of “How to save a life”, probably because our first question was answered in their classrooms by the teachers. Not like ours, who slyly skip the details, even of the reproductive system. “How to save a life”, it’s a pretty song by ‘The Fray’, and tops my playlists. But now I am thinking that after making such astounding revelations, who is going to save my life? ‘Bhalayi ka zamana to raha nahi hai ab’. It’s a bad, baaaaaad world.
I guess, I proved something with ample proof today!
So now, please, stop being such a wimp, stop foaming and fretting. Be just in mind and reason, and answer this one question;
If guys don’t mind being called dogs for the style they like to have or for the attitude they reflect, why girls should make such a fuss over being called bitches, when they are wilder than us in this regard. And even worse, that they need google to guide them for a natural instinct.
As a matter of fact for those who still find this obnoxiously unacceptable, stop dreaming, it’s a reality and you may also try it at leisure. Please understand that I have never meant any harm, it’s just my skew-view-point. Everyone has his own; only few dare to share it. And still if you are not smiling, then you were one of those who searched for that complete string. Stop being guilty conscious, BITCH!
P.S. 1 : I discovered it serendipitously when trying to get a good laptop. I was searching “How to get a good laptop”.
P.S. 2 : Do try the same for different google locations. Example:,,, and other countries. It is really interesting what questions people frequently ask!