Thursday, February 18, 2010

PENDOWN, a new form of Satyagraha or mockery?

DISCLAIMER: Every thought and words penned down here are a result of our observations and the words have been contemplated, well framed not to break decency, and keeping the truth in consideration. So any wounded egos is not our fault, it is their own!

PENDOWN (student’s version)-A great and cool act done by ‘We the Students’ as a sign of unity, in which the students universally refuse to budge their pen in the examination hall.

Reasons:-a thousand, yet the most prominent are, seniors did it, other batch mates did it, we shouldn’t lag behind.

PENDOWN (teacher’s version) - A disgusting act of unity shown by students to undermine my authority in class by the unanimous boycotting of examination.

PENDOWN (true version) - We bloody shitpots, the students, don’t study and when we see the snow avalanching on us we try to run hither and thither.

We had our internal exams from the follow up day of the gorgeous Valentine day up to the 16th of February. As the joke runs, “in how many days can you complete a 500 pages book? Doctor, an year, Accountant replies a month, lawyer a week and an engineer asks- when are the papers?” we proved to the joke, and played fine. However a new plan surfaced, designed to face these internals this time. Plan codenamed: PENDOWN.

The history of PENDOWN, I don’t know but can surely guess, runs long. Our seniors in this internals did this so called great act in three of their five papers. Our juniors did it on 16th of February, and this hurt our ego. Our seniors did it, our juniors did it and we losers come out of a barrel of nipples sucking our thumbs! This was unbearable to us, so plan PENDOWN was executed today!

ORIGIN OF PENDOWN IN A CLASS: Usually the vortex of a pen-down in class originates from a single individual’s brain. The single individual boasts in front of his/her friends about a paper boycott put of sheer fun and the friends think the idea is cool and rather achievable.

PROCESS: Phone calls to the revelers are made. Revelers of the class (generally who on account of their screwed up habit of reveling in vodka and porn turn out to be bottom liners) get joy-ed at the mere mention of a new type of revelry, and start convincing the whole class about a PENDOWN.

Few are moulded into the stands by crook; others are grabbed by the hook.
A few of the crook techniques are custom messages of gtalk as follows:
“ECE WALO KAL PAKKA PEN DOWN DEKH LO AB JISNE LIKHA 1 SAAL BACHA HAI ABHI COLLEGE KA!!!!" jisne kal exam attempt kiya use social boycott!!!”
“knowledge dikhane ki cheez nhi baantne ki chez hai... to paper de k show off na karo ... :) PENDOWN 2morrow... :)”

RESULT: Goal is achieved. PENDOWN is successful! Cheers….

CRITICAL APPRECIATION: An old adage in Hindi goes as, “whether the knife falls on the melon or the melon on the knife, it is always the melon that bears the onslaught.”
So whether it is the mistake of the teacher or the student, it is the students who are at losing and receiving ends.

PENDOWN a modern form of Satyagraha followed by students has lost its true meaning under the utter corruption of mankind. Students have made it a status symbol. Others did it, we must also do it.

Ultimately who is at loss? Who suffers?

WE. The teacher has not lost anything. He won’t mind putting a zero to 60 odd bastards. No one can remove him from his job (government in our case), no one can stop his promotion scheduled for once every five years.
Ultimately, a request to every reader, before taking any step, think about the consequences(negative ones first) and the aftermath. Always remember the story of the shepherd who used to shout “wolf, wolf” whenever he used to get bored and the day when the real wolf turned up and he called up for help no one turned up, thinking him to be a prankster.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

An apology to the ladies

Hug Day’s over and so is the Kiss’ Day. Sorry to have missed out on both? Where had we been? Some of us were cuddled up in beds. We love hugging our quilts on a cold February 12th. Rest of us had nothing good to do, so we made ourselves busy in sorting a list of prospective candidates who qualified our Valentine list prelims. It was not surprising that the list got shorter exponentially. But trust me, each candidature was considered and evaluated with sternness and absolutely unbiased judgments were ratified.
These were days of astounding revelations. We rediscovered that girls come in a myriad of shapes and sizes. I think, we now know what we sought after.
What does it take for a girl to appeal to guy’s eyes? Looks? Definitely, maybe. The perfect blend of right amount of skin on a just enough (thick) layer of fat is all it takes to get noticed. Early civilizations prayed for a perfect inundation. Be it drought or flood, it was a disaster. Same is the case here. Too skinny and you can just slip past through eagle eyes of a hungry flirt. Unnatural protuberances and know the consequences, right? Only a few are born with hands long like those of ‘Kanoon’ (justice) to embrace a Double Decker. Though, a few gentlemen happen to have large hearts to accommodate them, but that’s why they are Gentlemen!
Albeit, this wasn’t the only criteria for scrutiny, but others are just too large to discuss in a small space. Other areas of scutiny sometimes lie in the non-joke area, including having a heavenly hourglass figure and a good height that could put Maria Sharapova in serious jeopardy. Size Zero figures are not always proclaimed attractive, a healthy robust appearance appeals beyond reasoning. Thinking about in a broader sense, that is what men are for. We make sure that women’s beauty does not go unnoticed by the males. However for now, the list is almost complete with minor amendments waiting for approval. Though the list would never get public, feel free to inquire if you made it into it.
Happy Hugging, kissing, promising and a very Happy Valentine to all who found love!
P.S. It has come to our attention that some ladies find the material posted here unfriendly. I, on the behalf of this blog, apologize, if we have unknowingly hurt your tiny hearts. Let me assure you that the subsequent posts would make the remarks more obscure for you to ever find out. We love Peace and Hermione (harmony) and want all ladies to take the content in a jovial sense. We always love cracking puns at the fairer sex, and they are advised to take it in the lighter sense as we are only appreciating their God given inheritance albeit, in a humorous way, as someone said, maybe especially for those with a Y chromosome. And BTW, all incidents we quote here are our personal experiences. So don’t care if you don’t fit and laugh along.

Sunday, February 7, 2010


I don’t remember God’s exact face, and neither do I remember what instructions he gave me when he decided to send me to this Hostel-Earth. As a result, I could not start working on any target for at least 15 years. Then I started to see, things. I saw heroes, I saw villains, I saw ‘somebody s’ and I saw ‘nobody s’. Once my teacher conjured up a storm within me by asking, “Son, what do you want to be in life?” Out of ignorance, I had said I wanted to be ‘Famous’.
The idea struck and is still stuck in my head. I want to be known big time. A celebrity, a hero, a savior, a powerful entity. I want to be known – nationally, internationally. I want that when I pass from a place, people revere me. I want to be immortal.  I don’t know how I ended up doing engineering, but science has cleared my mind.
Money is good, money is near God. To get what I want, I need money. Then I thought, how? I could dig every inch of my ancestral land and find buried treasure beneath, or maybe find coal or even diamonds. Or maybe I should go by science; dig deep, and bury chunks of coal every day. Someday, they will transform into diamonds. Then I thought of being an industrialist. I have decided to start off with telecom industry, ’Sly Fox Telecom’, though opening a school or university would be more profitable. But I need at least 5000 crore rupees, even to make a start. Where will I get it from? Mind thinks of easy ways first. Get a local ‘tamanchha’, kill a mafia don and replace him. Now I am the owner of a vast empire. But what’s the fun of living on a gunpoint. So here’s my plan B.
IAS - Indian Administrative Services. I will just start my conquest from here. I shall become an IAS officer. With it shall come power. I will earn all sorts of money. Good money, bad money, white money, black money, over the table money, under the table money etc. My influence shall grow. People shall look up to me. I would be respected for being so friendly and helpful (with a little help from the other side though). I would get a red light car and what not. 
Then, at the peak of my career, I shall denounce my job and embrace politics. Time to help build the nation! With a lot of politicians under my hood and a vast ocean of commoners backing me, I shall set my own center stage. I shall become a central cabinet minister. I won’t fight over port folios, and shall set an example of humility and selflessness (Though I would prefer Railway Ministry). I shall introduce maglev into India. Metro’s shall run in place of the gauged trains. The national railways network will witness a new wave, of speed energy and profit. Ministry and Me will fill our coffers with silver and green paper. Nation would be happy and so shall I be.
Now that I have enough resources, it would be an appropriate time to live the dream I had for myself. I shall setup my company, a nationwide telecom service provider. With it shall come what has been coming since I started as IAS officer, money manifold! I won’t spend crores on embellishing my house and transforming into a beehive which grabs every bear’s attention. Rather, I would invest! I would set up new industries. Poke my nose and eventually engulf every sector of industry. I would also enter entertainment industry, even adult industry, and be the star I wanted to be at some point of my life. Out of black money shall rise a White Taj of my dreams.
I will open schools to put an end to illiteracy. Free education for the poor, free Mc Donalds’ mid day meals. I will open NGOs that would be non-governmental in real sense. I will build institutes to breed more Ranchos. Quality and not quantity shall be my aim. I shall promote science and culture equally. Equality shall prevail from the very roots and discrimination shall be on basis of merit solely.
But this would be a more localized affair, and I wish to make it large. So it would be apt to make a grand reentry into politics. This time, we are bigger and much better. So, I would be the most sought after prime ministerial candidate (and if not, then the others shall have to meet their makers, save one). As Swami ji said, I shall not stop until the goal is achieved. And then suddenly, I shall decline the post offer (The last survivor shall obviously be my pawn!). I shall be the 21st century Idol, in whom everyone shall find something for himself. It would be time to turn India into a perfect Utopia. I shall diversify, but still unify India. Think of another Europe in India, every region has its own specialty, culture and heritage, and is not allowed to imitate other regions. In short - Social Emancipation.
That done, let’s get religious. I would have seen the world and would have realized that it has only hatred to offer. I will use my long earned repute to propagate the doctrine: Modern life sucks and let’s get back to what we were before, but through scientific reasoning and research. Bhoga and Yoga go hand in hand.
 When I shall near my older age physically (I’d be 18 till I die), I’ll venture out to conquer one last hurdle. Nature’s highest position shall be mine. The Everest. If I make it through, I’ll jump from the top, otherwise……I am a legend anyhow!