Saturday, December 26, 2009

Sloshed and bitchy!..

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And finally the huge contact list of gals with green red and yellow lights by their sides.

“Come-on someone ping me...” As this hapless creature waits patiently for a popup, nothing happens. Out of desperation, he grabs the phone and tries to text someone. And finally, Dawn!
Angie: I am getting bored.. Wanna go out for a drink?..
Me: I don’t drink mate!
Angie: I am in a very bad mood..
Angie: Wanna meet up?..
Me: Crescent mall in 20 mins..
Angie: Cya there.!

A small gulp of vodka and she is the queen of the world!!! Ok.. These days, they are competing with us in every field; so maybeee two small pegs! Sometimes I imagine what a few gulps of whisky or rum would do to them. Oh I forgot, yes I am talking of girls on pub floors!
Well as a matter of fact, the newest and the most alluring inclusions to the world of boozers are girls and this gives me joygasms whenever I think of it. Plan a pub night out with friends and there would never be any dearth of females in your crowd. It’s in fashion to drink these days and if you don’t then all you get to hear is “you are out of ton mate!” and you are branded as an outcaste. But guess what, it is always better to be on the outcaste list because that eventually gives you the edge. You can always have material fun in full senses and in the end, wind up into the good books of many (the female with whom, you just have had a session, in particular). Get a girl who just broke up with her boyfriend to a bar and after a few pegs you may feel her anti gravity assets in your hands. Believe me broken up asses give off far more easily and they even lighten you pockets less. And after being “wasted” you can always sing those old friendship mantras and she would be obliged to your services as her friend. Sloshed girls! Well they are no less than bitches. All they remind me of is that (S)aint song of Marlyn Manson.. “I got an F and C and i got a K too and the only thing that’s missing is a BITCH like U!” Even I ain’t a saint!
With every drink or maybe sip in many cases these bitches add to their character few letters of the word “VULNERABLE” and once the spelling is complete, the so called pure Indian Women eventually shows her actual inside and insight!. It all starts with the mouth. No I have not reached that tongue twister yet. The bitch starts with the stories (cooked up shit) of the latest painful incidents of her life and how bechari she has been lately, which may include nonsense like those of her boyfriend no longer hooking up with her, or maybe he over timing her; parents also form a part of these pathetic seducers. Every syllable of these stories bridges the gap between you and the bitch and within no time you can smell her breathing right under your nose. And Guess what, she suddenly calls you “honey” by mistake! With her hands on her mouth as if she just named the most monstrous devil enslaved in hell, she would pretend to be the savitri, who would only pronounce of her husband and no one else. And all you can do is act like Vishvamitra, whose penance has just been broken and is now listening to her tragic lament and pretend to ease her pain by gently caressing her hair. Holy Cow! Her hair are so soft! Few seconds later you don’t even need your salivary glands anymore as your mouth is rushed with a pool of her alcohol laden saliva. The rest of the story is obviously.......
Wait a second!. Something even worse happened with me. She was sloshed alright and had done the talking thing and all but she also happened to be my best friend’s girl. Darn! What a situation. And guess what her beauty and those natural gifts had left me drooling and wanting. I felt like being deserted on an island with only one (rather two) coconut left to drink and I could not just touch it because.. because I am supposed to be Virtuous. So I cordially declared to the world that I actually have a girlfriend and that I loved her.. bloody liar.. To this, she seductively proposed, “Relax! She wouldn’t even know about it. Let’s be one tonight and and tomorrow, nothing happened”. I am out of appropriate postfixes for Holy ......., She was the girl. I wanted to taste her winy lips. But then I was also a good friend. After a long time had a female asked me for satisfaction, desperate as she was, and I?, like a Sadist, said "No". What happened next? I would keep rest of the episode unspoken of!...

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