Love, Kiss and Sex in an engineer’s perspective..

“Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems at our disposal, we create our own!”

I as an engineer, shall prove this theorem either by using facts or assumptions. I shall stick to facts if they already exist, assumptions whenever I want to confuse you. I shall be creating problems in case the statements seems to miss one.

Discovery, National Geographic and History Channel produce more than a documentary per day.They redefine, rediscover and rewrite the simple facts in a more twisted form. In short they present old wine in new bottle, and at times they sell water in champagne bottles.

DOCUMENTARY ONE: - “The Art of Kissing”

PROOF:

Speaking as a veteran, kissing is special for the first timers; it gets repetitive after that(it is exchange of saliva after that!). Telecasting it on discovery makes us believe there is something technical about it. Well in case there is something technical related with kissing then why don’t we have it as a subject in our college? I bet its practical lab shall be truly intriguing. (I pray to P C Chidambaram to ban 377 before the session starts)

Owing to the present education scenario(in case the Indian Education Board approves 'Kissing Science'), our lecturers shall make it a point to make it more monotonous than the contemporaries of the western world. Situations shall be erotic but questions shall be mathematical.

For instance, “Suppose you are kissing your partner at an angle of 45 degrees inclined to his/her body, with your lips making an angle of 60 degrees to the other pair. The question asked would be;

Q. Calculate the force exerted when a 60 gram pair of lips approaching with the passion of light makes a contact for infinite amount of time?

DOCUMENTARY TWO: -”99 Ways to lose your virginity”

Well, my pubes are of the opinion that there is just one way to do this and so do the genitals of the authors of the books concerned. History proves there is only one way to lose virginity; there can be 99 different locations, 99 different scenarios, 99 different positions, but the basic principle remains same.Curiosity ignites the fuel and the right hand takes over. Even an illiterate is a Ph. D in this field. A negative response to “do you know how to lose your virginity?” is just as if expecting a YES from an engineer for the question, “Are there beautiful girls in your institute?” (Expect this: "Beautiful doesn't go along with Girls in our case"). Engineering colleges and especially famed ones have males, non-males and e-mails. Females are a missing gender!

DOCUMENTARY THREE: -”HISTORY PROGRAMMES”

Parents often tell their children to watch Discovery, National Geographic, and History Channel. My parents used to scare the hell out of me. I shall never ask my children to view these channels. My parental lock preferences for my children shall be 1) discovery 2) history 3) national geography *4) fashion TV (*is optional)

Parents make their children watch history channel hoping that, they shall learn about ancient culture, religion and practices. Yes, they do learn about the lives of the ancient kings. But there's a catch!! What comes along is the art of loving 20 queens and developing management skills. Skills to manage time and lust and how to share their this acquired dexterity with their 20 wives and countless concubines ; not to forget the skills to feed their libido adequately!