And my diary spoke back...

Dear me,

“Hie! Wassup dude? How’s life? How’s your girl doing?”

Expected something like this? duhh uhh..

What do you think of yourself.. you two legged and one big mouthed moron?

Get a life mate. Go and do something better.

Ok! Let us start it all over again you piece of shit.

Dear Jackass,

Until now you have been scribbling on me like a mentally retarded, under developed freaked up moron. Your daily journals.. oobs I meant your daily shittt is now really getting on my nerves. Do you ever have something interesting going on in your life or are you just one of those loosers who were a manufacturing defect up in the almighty’s lab? Probably, you are the by product of one of those unlucky mistakes of your parents not using proper protection while they were having fun! Duhh.. Why were you the only semen to make it through? Anything else would have saved me the pain of getting scribbled by you.

Listen! Shut the F up and listen to me! Enough of your daily stupidity! I am totally freaked out of you. How many times do I need to clean your screwed up mess and find solutions to your never ending idiot-ism? Well it’s high time you got to know that you are a freaking jerk. Wait, there is more to it. I know that even you know that you are a jerk and you still pretend to be a dude. What a pity! You go around making a fool of yourself and you think that people admire you? Well mate, let me tell you the truth today; when you think that they are laughing at your joke, think again, because they laugh at you and not at your dumb-ever-not-so-humorous jokes!

Over the years I have kept my mouth mum; waiting for you to change. You went over from the sick-old-fashioned-new-year version of me to the Archies and Hallmark elite brands. You kept on pricking that stupid pen of yours into my soft tender skin, but I never resented; thinking that you will grow up someday. But you continue to embarrass me by addressing me like a girlie; Dear diary? Give me a ummm F’ing break. Grow up dude! It’s time you already did you know.

Let’s take a look on what you have impinged on my pages. Dumb as always.. Ahh! This seems interesting. Your first crush! Class 6? History Teacher? Mate she had a husband and a child of your age. Where did you fit into you lucid and lunatic bloody MILF? But you continued to hit on her by sitting beside her eating from your lunch box and bringing her flowers. And the worst part is you wrote all your pathetic romantic laments onto my pages. Can’t take it anymore!!. Let’s move on. Next on is the wildest thing you have ever done huh? You were so proud of yourself, weren’t you tough guy? You used red ink to record it! “Oooooo! I am so F’ing impressed.” So what did you do? You stole 10 bucks from your dad’s pocket. I am speechless.

Here it is! Your first football match! Great!. You broke your nose, your left hand was fractured, your knee was dislocated and you lost your senses in the middle of the game with one thousand eyes staring on you. And if I rely on my memory, you were sent out as a substitute in the eighty fifth minute. What a waste! Seriously what a shame! This one’s even better; your fight with the bully of your colony. It seems like you didn’t have enough strength in your fingers to put down how you were trashed by his gang and then chased back to your home. Ha Ha!

And now comes the best part of your journal; the love of your life. What the hell? You loved her? You were ready to travel to the end of eternity to get her. Yea but that was only before you found the next love of your life, isn’t it? And the same lines were scribbled on and on for each one that followed. Even I have stopped keeping a count now. I just cannot image how characterless you are! Speaking of character, here is the journal about the night you lost your virginity, or should I say when you technically lost it. I believe it was all shit and lies that you wrote onto me. Days ago I met a fellow diary of mine and it happened to be the journal of the girl you supposedly made out with. Guess what? It read out that your night with the female was a complete mess as your male organ could not actually stand up and it literally peed into the girls tender tissues! Amazing!

Dude a serious advice! I don’t ask you to stop scribbling your daily–not-so-happening-events onto me. I was made for that only. It’s my destiny to bear this burden of yours. I was transformed from a branch into a paper for it. But then I have been with you ever since you learnt to put a proper graphite mark on a paper. So here it is from a true mate: Grow up chum! Try to be a man. Stop being a mumma’s child. Have the guts to accept a girl into your life. Try to take up responsibilities. And for god sake stop F’ing around. Please!

P.S. : Dedicated to all those who maintain journals and address their dairy as .. "Dear Diary!"..